Almost Relevant

Well, well, well.  Your team has been all but eliminated from postseason contention, and you’ve decided to slum it by lowering yourself to cheering for the Boys from the South.*  Yes, the Atlanta Braves.  Hey, retro is in, and what better way to relive the 90s than cheering for that decade’s darling baseball franchise? 

The first step in following the Braves is to dampen your expectations.  Without a fanbase filled with such lowered expectations, there’s no way Bobby Cox could have survived with only one ring after fifteen division titles and four consecutive non-playoff finishes.  For some of you, this will be very hard.  For most of us in Atlanta, this isn’t too tough because, in the realm of sports craziness, even the most diehard baseball nuts from the Northeast don’t hold a candle to SEC football fans.  For us, baseball is a light diversion from our all-out obsession with everything that happens on Saturdays in the fall. That helps make the Braves’ crushing, inevitable October disappointment a little more tolerable.  Georgia fans are used to crushing disappointment in October.

But enough sullenness.  There’s plenty to love with this Braves team.  So let’s do a quick rundown of everything awesome (and sometimes less than awesome) about the Braves to get you up to speed before the playoff push.

Brian McCann.  Simply put, he should be every Braves fans favorite player.  He’s young, affable, supremely talented, and, with Chipper on the DL, the unquestioned leader of this team.  He’s also a catcher who can hit .300 and wears glasses while doing it.  Plus, if you’re smart enough to have his jersey or T-shirt, it shows that you were wise enough, early enough to pick him over Jeff Francouer, because LULZ. EDIT: @K8Russell reminds me that McCann also hails from Athens, GA, the greatest town on the planet.

Bobby Cox.  I mean, this picture pretty much says it all, but the man is a badass among badasses. It doesn’t take much to argue in his favor, as he’s a future Hall of Famer and brought the City of Atlanta its only pro sports title.  Plus, look at all the swag he’s gotten from opposing teams this season. Clearly there’s a lot to love.

Jason Heyward.  This was the first swing he ever took in the bigs. Even Chip Caray couldn’t screw this moment up.

Other awesome players you can really get behind: 

• Martin Prado (MVP candidate 2B)
• Matt Diaz (scrappy LF who dominates LHP)
• Tim Hudson
• Jonny Venters (enjoy this dominant LH reliever before Cox’s overuse that makes Dusty Baker look reserved finally takes its toll)
• Omar Infante (I will never stop laughing if Pujols or Votto has the Triple Crown locked up, but Infante somehow finishes with enough plate appearances to win the batting title on the last day of the season)

And now, some points of consternation. 

• Alex Gonzalez, the supposedly sure-fire defender we traded for to replace clubhouse cancer and general asshat Yunel Escobar, has transformed into a E-Machine, and I’m not talking about the netbooks.
• Melky Cabrera is at times the most entertainingly goofy or frustratingly retarded player I’ve ever seen.  He’s Manny Ramirez without the HoF talent.  Sometimes you hate him, and then he does something like this, and you just have to go “Awwwwww!”
• Lowe Face.

There you have it.  The 2010 Atlanta Braves.  I have no clue what’s going to happen in September (and hopefully beyond), but I assure you, if you join the bandwagon, it absolutely will not be boring